You fell in love.
It was everything they said it would be. Just like in every book you had read, every film you saw and every story you caught from the lips of your friends. It was beautiful.
He would sing to you and write you poems that made your heart flutter. He would tell you how beautiful you looked when you cried and rock you to sleep afterwards. He made you feel things you had never felt before, and you thought, “Nothing could ever ruin this.”
He started to get distant. You often fought, tossing words at each other that you never could have imagined. Then you would cry, alone this time, because he wouldn’t come to comfort you then. You started to feel lonely again, hoping he would begin to love you like he used to.
A friend of yours offered a shoulder when the one you loved would not. He would say words that made you feel better and jokes that made you cry – with laughter. The butterflies in your stomach started to fly again, and the songs you listened to would remind you of this friend. You no longer fought as often with the one you loved; you no longer talked to him, actually. You broke up later.
The next day, you started to go out with your friend; he became the one you loved most. The memories of the past relationship soon receded, trapped in the deep prisons of your mind. He would only see you when you visited or at a hotel somewhere hours away. It all seemed superficial, but of course, it wasn’t, right? You asked him once, and he said it was all in your head, and you thought: “Yes. He must be right.”
When you spoke about the world holding you down, he would hear but never listen. He would touch you to make you feel better, but even then, it wasn’t for you, was it?
Sometimes you would stare at the ceiling at 3 AM, and the voice in your head would speak. You wondered if he wanted your body or if he wanted you. Then your phone would ding, he finally replied to your text. The voice in your head would subside- but only for a while.
You started to feel lonely again, even when you were together. You would get intimate, and your heart wouldn’t really be in it. You went through the motions day after day, week after week.
One day, at a bar, you met someone new. He listened to you; he made you laugh. You thought, “Could this be him? Is he the one?” Soon your former relationship fizzled, and you started going out with the new guy. He became the one you loved most.
It went on like this for a while. You fell in love, then out of love, on and on and on. Sometimes you would lay awake at night and think about the trail of broken relationships behind you. A voice would pose a question, “Could I be the problem here?” You would smother it, of course, and it would join the other thoughts imprisoned in your head.
Someday you would find Prince Charming, or so you thought.