I have a complicated relationship with children. I either love them to death and think they are the greatest thing since spaghetti, or I hate them. By hate, I mean I find them extremely irritating.
I have cousins who are much younger than me. At least ten years younger. Whenever I visit a relative to chill for a bit, I end up taking care of them at some point. Now at the time, this set of relatives had three kids- all girls. One was four years old, the next was two and the last kid was a few months old.
The middle child was a bit of a prick. YES, she was two but still. She has this habit of crying whenever she wanted something. Or whenever she felt like it. As a person who likes peace and quiet, I found it annoying. It’s one of the reasons the idea of parenthood doesn’t appeal to me.
I don’t have the patience to take care of another person, not yet.
I spent the most time with the youngest. I felt very attached to her for some reason. I’d feed her, watch her while her ma rested, rock her to sleep and then keep all the noise out so she wouldn’t be bothered. That’s the first time I looked at a child and thought, “You. I would kill for you”.
And I would. Even though she doesn’t remember any of it.
Speaking of, do you realize memories die with people? Memories of you. Memories your parents have of your first days. Memories of the time before you became conscious; before you woke up and realized that you were alive. That kid would never remember me, or the village that raised her outside of her family. It is bittersweet; but, I digress.
On the way to work one day, a mother held her child as she sat ahead of me on the bus. The kid had large, bright eyes and dark skin that caught the sunlight. The kid stared at me as though transfixed. I waved and she waved back.
The sun’s rays grew stronger, and the child started to squint. Instinctively, I stretched out a hand to the window and shielded her from its anger. I did that till they got to their stop. I don’t know why, but at that moment I’d have taken out the sun if only so that kid could be comfortable.